6 simple ways to stay grounded in the face of change

Life Coaching Tips
Written By Brenda Ramos

I've been living at my current residence for a combined total of 9ish years (details like time and years don’t stick in my brain). Anyway, my landlady has always been wonderful to me. She's worked with me when I couldn't pay my rent and she's incredibly generous, knocking off a couple hundred around the holidays. She truly is a beautiful person. The house is old, however, and really needs some major upgrades and maintenance. The stuff she's just tired of doing. So she put it up for sale as of August 4th. There was already an open house and there will be many more showings. 

What does this mean for me?

Well, if the new owners plan on renovating I'll have to move. Unless... I'm the new owner!! For years I've fantasized about that. I would own this property and have a space for my B&B. Why not? I live in the next hot up-and-coming location in Jersey City (New Jersey for those of you not familiar). It's between 2 parks with incredible views of Manhattan and public transportation is practically right at my doorstep. When I let myself dream I see BIG things like an open concept main floor, a studio apartment in the basement with a kitchenette, a two-car garage with an office/studio above it, a rooftop garden, a beautifully landscaped backyard, 4 bedrooms, and 3.5 baths... or something better. I see it all so clearly I can feel it as real. 

But then something happens... the questions come in. The doubt loaded questions like: How will I get the money? How could I make this happen by myself? How could I convince anyone to loan me such a HUGE sum of money? How could I afford to pay off a mortgage AND gut and renovate? It's all too much... so freakin overwhelming. I can't stand it! (Picture me with flailing arms, sort of crying-yelling, running away.) 

So I shift into thinking about moving and renting elsewhere. Where? Here in the area? I have to start considering a shared space because rentals for my ideal apartment are out of reach for me. Maybe I move out of the Jersey City area. Well, I no longer drive so it would have to be near public transportation. I have to find a multiple pet/big pet-friendly dwelling. And here come the questions: How much will movers cost? How will I pack all my crap? How much of it do I sell? How will I ever find an apartment with enough space for my fur-babies and me and my son (maybe), with convenient transportation into the city (where all my work is), and affordable? And that brings up questions regarding my son. Will he take this as an opportunity to move out on his own? How will I live truly alone if he does? (It's been just the 2 of us for the past 20 years... sniff... tears) It's all too much... so freakin overwhelming. I can't stand it! (Picture me with flailing arms, sort of crying-yelling, running away again.) 

Internal talk: "Okay girl, breathe. Relax for a moment. None of that is happening now so you have time. What if... I move out of the area completely?" Regroup. So I'm single and having zero luck with men here. What if I'm meant to find "The One" elsewhere? But where? And that leads to a dozen additional questions about the "Hows" on this possibility. And what comes next? Yep, you guessed it... flailing arms, sort of crying-yelling, running away yet again. Ha!

So change is coming and that is a fact. There are so many of us experiencing situations like this and having to "wing-it" through the unknown. How do we remain grounded and present during these frenzied times? Well... there's a bunch of ways. I want to share the ones that work for me so that you can try them and if they don't work for you give yourself permission to search around for others that will. 

Stop! Chill Out. Take a break baby. I stop whatever I'm doing (for a moment) and take a deep breath. I get up and walk around, outside if possible but if not just another room. I definitely do at least one forward bend and just hang for a moment. I remind myself that whatever I'm thinking about is NOT actually happening RIGHT NOW. I have time to gather more information or make a choice (if that's what is needed). 

Get Clear. I do my best to get clear about what I really want. I make pros and cons lists. I visualize each option to see which one I'm leaning more towards. I sleep on it... a lot (if I can). I talk to one or two of my trusted confidants. (Side note: do not ask everyone you know their opinion on what you "should" do. Everyone will think they know what's best for you but it will only confuse you more than before. And besides, my work, this site, and everything I write about are about becoming YOUR Authentic Whole Self, right?). I keep doing this step until I start to feel a little better and maybe a little clearer than before. 

Get Organized. So if I'm clear about which option I'm leaning towards, or even if I'm not, I move on to getting organized. I ask myself "What do I need to get from here (current place) to there (goal or decision)?" I focus exclusively on the tasks that I have control over (e.g., researching what it takes to buy a home, looking at my FICO score, speaking to my landlady, or finding a realtor). Thanks to the wonderful world of the interwebs, it's pretty easy to do these things. Shit, you can ask ANY question and find some kind of answer to it. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO GET DISTRACTED! I also ask myself if I need help in reaching my goal and give myself permission to ASK FOR HELP. I'm just starting to feel okay with that one. We are surrounded by folks in all sorts of areas who are more than happy to help but first we have to ask. And the last thing I do is MAKE A LIST that I prioritize based on deadlines. (I LOOOOOOVE lists)

Get Moving. Now that I'm a bit more organized (maybe) and I have my gorgeous list. I start with the first to-do and get it done. If for whatever reason I'm unable to get it done at least I've made an effort and I can regroup then start again. In the meantime, I tackle the rest of the list. Does the list seem overwhelming? Sometimes. When that happens I just separate the items so it doesn't seem so... terrifying! And if my list is on actual paper... it does get torn apart. I then divide each item into smaller steps. Believe it or not, more gets done when you're giving all of your attention to baby steps. Baby steps are better! Side note: apply liberal amounts of self-compassion here. Don't get down on yourself if you feel like you're not making progress. If you're focusing on those teeny, tiny steps and crossing them off your gorgeous list, you are making progress. 

Work it out.  My favorite ways to work up a sweat are dancing, and taking an intense yoga or Pilates class. Doing something physical is important because it 1. distracts me a little so I don't become a lot obsessed and 2. gets me completely in my body. If you just have a minute to get physical, a walk and a stretch might be enough. If you have more time (I recommend carving out at least 20 minutes and making it a part of your routine) do something that you absolutely love and that gets you totally "in the zone", and in the moment. For some it's running, for others kickboxing, for you it might be surfing whatever it is make your intention to be completely absorbed by the activity, or practice (eventually it will become your practice). By the time you return to what got you un-grounded or disconnected in the first place, you will feel refreshed and have more clarity. 

Connect. I connect with myself, or God, or the Universe, or Mother Nature by writing, by saying a short prayer in quiet, by meditating, or by just BEING sometimes in nature, but sometimes in a cafe on a busy sidewalk in NYC. I also connect with my family and best friends over cocktails at brunch preferably with loads of bacon and eggs, or cocktails anytime really. Feeling disconnected from your loved ones (including yourself) does not help when you feeling disconnected in general. Go for a night out with the gang, or my new favorite a girls' night in. Allow those closest to you to express their love and appreciation for you and you for them. That's love and we can't thrive without it. 

So there you have it. 6 ways that I stay grounded when I'm about to freak out in the face of change. Ha! There might be one or two others that I have forgotten but for now, these are great to start with. Now, what about you? I would love to know what you do to stay grounded. Also, if you liked this article go ahead hit the like button, and share it with... well... the whole wile world. ;)

With loads of loving-kindness, 

Brenda xo

Brenda Ramos

For quiet disruptors ready to stop performing, start feeling, and build lives rooted in inner care, collective care, and fierce love.

Brenda is a foul-mouthed, spirit-led, stardust-and-light-filled being — a complex system of atoms, neurons, and soul navigating a whole human experience in a world shaped by white supremacy, patriarchy, and extraction. Her bloodlines trace back to the Jíbaro mountain people of Borikén (colonially known as Puerto Rico). She carries the sacred, sensual, and spiritual legacy of her ancestors, rooting her life and work in ancestral knowing and embodied resistance.

She works as a caregiver, seed-planter, and possibility-holder; also known as a mindfulness-based mentor, meditation teacher, and movement guide. She supports people in recognizing where they've drifted out of alignment with their values, helping them reconnect to their body's wisdom and move toward lives rooted in reciprocity, joy, and collective care.

Brenda's study lineage includes trauma-sensitive mindfulness training with David Treleaven, dharma and liberation work with Lama Rod Owens including "The Dharma of Spiritual Abolition" and "Love & Rage," nonviolent communication with Roxy Manning & Oren Jay Sofer, transformative healing work with Toi Marie Smith, mindfulness teacher training through MNDFL (300 hours) as well as MMTCP (2 years) and Mindful Mentor Training with Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield. She's also trained in Reiki mastery, decolonial business practices with Gieselle Allen, and reclaiming intuition work with Dra. Rosales Mesa, among many other revolutionary teachers who've shaped her practice.

She understands that how we care for ourselves shapes how we show up in relationship, community, and the systems we participate in. Inner care is not separate from collective care, it is what makes it possible. By supporting people in coming back into relationship with themselves, Brenda helps shift how they relate to others, how they build community, and how they move through and challenge the systems shaping our lives.

Her work is liberation-centered, heart-focused, and decolonial. She leads meditation sessions at Move. Breathe. Be. JC in Jersey City Heights, NJ, creating spaces for community healing and embodied presence.

Her clients are often quiet disruptors, observant creatives and deep-feeling thinkers who once followed the rules of dominant culture but now see through its emptiness. They come with curiosity and leave with clarity, ready to reimagine themselves, their relationships, and their communities through a decolonial lens.

For nearly two decades, Brenda taught hundreds of people across the globe to access their sensual power through salsa dance. Today, she supports clients in discovering their unique rhythm and purpose through embodiment, reflection, meditation, rest, and movement; releasing internalized oppression and building lives that feel aligned, alive, and self-defined.

Brenda lives on Turtle Island as part of the Boricua diaspora on unceded Munsee Lenape land (currently known as Hoboken, NJ). She shares a home with one of her many brothers, and together they care for their 96-year-old mother—an everyday practice of devotion, dignity, and love. She brings that same care into her work and community.

She holds intersectional identities as a queer, working-class, white-presenting Boricua rooted in her lineage. She is also a sister, titi, best friend, sensual lover, committed student, dark chocolate snob, chocolate chip cookie devourer, random drooler, proud goofball, and unapologetic night owl.

When she's not caregiving, she's chillin with her son and cats, streaming her favorite shows, or dreaming, and scheming, toward liberation.

If you're done living out of alignment and ready to come home to yourself, your body, and your truth, Brenda is here to walk with you.

Connect with Brenda:

Website: Authenticwholeself.com

Instagram: @authenticwholeselfliving

https://authenticwholeself.com
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